here and now...

there is so much i have seen come and go in my short life time. there are times, many times, i wish i could travel back and change things in my life, if only to see the outcome change in the tiniest bit. i have so many regrets and i have missed so many experiences because of my insecurities and skepticism. the worst part of my life is not knowing what could have been and what i have missed. i miss a lot of people i once had in my life and miss the friendships that have been destroyed over the last decade. Many times i have cried at night remembering the love i have shared with people i have cared for so dearly. i wish i could take things back and start time from the beginning. i HATE regret. there is so much i miss and i hope time will bring us back together. i now hope for change and welcome back that which i have lost. Some may never return and others will remain in the earth, but i long for times past and hope we find ourselves in the future.

Confidence and Excitement Season!

For some reason there has been an overwhelming sense of CONFIDENCE flowing into my life as of late. I would like to believe that it was always there but i feel that it is a result of feeling comfortable for the first time in almost 2 years. There is a void that has been filled and i believe that is a direct result of my beard. You might think I am crazy for having such faith in hair on my face. But it is really the only thing i have changed about myself and the one thing I always feel missing when I am clean shaven. Now whether or not this is true we may never know. But all I know is that for the past week i have felt great and people have noticed me unlike ever before. I have made some decisions in my life that might change things forever but I feel that these changes are going to make me a better person. A person I will be happy with. With the snow coming soon I need a positive outlook on life and the way things are going i feel like my life is headed toward the sun for the first time instead of heading towards the outer rim of the universe. Our lives change and it is our decisions that make us feel joy or sadness; I for one am tired of the dark clouds that i brew and hang over my head. It is time for living a life i am proud of.

These days aren't those days anymore.

It has come to my attention that I am not happy with the way things are going in my life. There have been things I've wanted to do and people I have wanted to meet. I find new things in my life all the time and I count my blessings every day or at least I try to. Things are hard at times, and I realize that the good times i have aren't always that great. I feel like I have been living in a circle that has spewed me from the inside out and now i am looking in. There is a chance to fulfill dreams and the only time I have is when i breathe. Love, Kindness, Hope, Faith, Honesty, Charity, Gratitude, and Adventure are what i am missing in my life. I catch a glimmer of these things from time to time but they fly by me like a mosquito in a room. They will land and most of always leave me with a sore spot. One day, just maybe one day i can find where these things are and my eyes are open to see these things coming. I just wish I could ind them.

flying

There was a MOOSE but its getting hotter

It has been and interesting summer and time is flying. It seems like the past few weeks have been the best i have had in a long time. My time has been spent mostly working and swimming in the river. Recently my friend Sean and I floated down the river for about an hour and we were just standing on the shore of the river and we hear something move on the other side of the river and out comes a giant Moose! I will be honest it scared the hell out of me. It was probably 40 yards from us and just drank water and stared art us for about 30 minutes. It was quite the spectacle since were only about 10 miles out of town.

 The last few weeks have been really warm and the only thing to cool us down is to go to the river. It's not that cold to us but to some it might be freezing. This river we swim in is so clear and clean. You can see the beauty in nature so well. Sean and I were standing in the water while fish came up and nipped at our legs and hands. Here is a poem I wrote to express my life the last few days:

Our Life Will Pass

There is so much going on that we never notice

and it has been such a mesmerizing experience

to just sit and watch nature

for once. 

The stars will still burn and the money

makers will still have their dough

but how much will we miss 

by not taking the time

to just sit

and become a part of nature

for just one day?

So its already August?

I can't believe that it is already August. Time has flown so fast during the break. I can admit that i haven't really done anything besides work and see Cowboys and Aliens. I am trying to finish up a documentary for my friends band Corsair Wolves so they can release it with their cd in September. I have started growing a beard though and I am not planning on shaving until I start school in January. Because I am off track in the fall I have moved from my old apartment and into an even older apartment. Its not a bad house but i still am not comfortable at night sometimes for some reason. My bed is terrible and i have back pain daily some times hourly from my shitty bed I am sure. I have spent time making the house smell nice and look more appealing from when we moved in, but you can only polish a turd so much. I have realized that my never ending search for new music has a easier way of manifesting itself to me with the great program known as Spotify. I can stream almost any album ever made. What i do, and you can do what ever you want with it, is use my Pandora to find new bands and then use Spotify to listen to the rest of the albums. It has been a great week for finding music and i am recommending that everyone check out the band The New Christs. So good! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAdUhBF9IVk

This life and whats in it.

I have been busy filming new projects and getting through this semester of school. I have hit a point where i am beginning to get burned out on school again. I think i can make it through but you never know whats going to happen in this life. Recently I went down to Utah to visit my brother Abe and his family and also to go to a festival in Salt Lake called Crucial Fest which was put on by Exigent Records. I had a great weekend and enjoyed seeing my niece and enjoyed seeing some fantastic bands! here is a little bit of what my trip consisted of:

BADASS MAGIC
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9OAAOSlfP8
SLEEPING IN GETHSEMANE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZnjbhIc9Pk
LOOM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVOilmRiHbw
MICROTIA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLLHia8U2o0
I AM THE OCEAN
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv0OXjjNNDg
LOOM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-FHynxxJBE&feature=related
I HEAR SIRENS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iwBLx8S_8k&feature=related

The time from then to now...

It's been awhile since i have written a new blog. A lot has happened since the last post but noting really dramatic. I have finished another semester at college and i am off until January. Since I have been out of school it has been a time to catch up on movies that have come out in the past few weeks/months. I finally saw Thor, X-men: First Class, Harry Potter 7 pt. 2, and a few others to get me started. I still have a lot more to see this summer.  Not much is going on right now since the town is dead since all the students have left town. This time of year is amazing because of the break. Its a little warm but the green all around is amazing! I need to start filming more things too. I have a lot of free time and i am just sleeping most of it away. Hopefully i can keep things up to date. But for my final in one of my classes i had to give a personal ethic statement, so i wrote a poem. Here that is:

Who will I become or will I just settle for what this world

Expects of me. If I cared about their thoughts I wouldn’t

Be the man I am today. Oh the things the world would have

Me do. To diminish the life of another because of a choice

They freely make? Much was the same for the Founders

Of this land. Freedoms ring but only for those who meet

The expectations of the Greens that rule this wretched world.

No one gives a damn about the child crying in the street

Who has dreams of a Mother and Father to love them and to be

Understood by those around watching the crystalline tears falling

From her cheeks.

So we don’t allow children to have dreams? Dreams will

be crushed And just like rivers, we rush the lives of the children,

leaving them  dying in this pain filled world Where Green is God.

We complain about the circumstances but continue to send glass
children out to shatter in the streets because of the first sight

of failure all hope is lost.

There is no tolerance for free thinkers or a new genius

unless it makes Kings stronger with every slipper green

bill sliding into their abyss Like pockets. They say

we need money to survive, which is true.

But do not define our children’s lives by their worth in cash.

We are not crops. We have worth and morals to keep us alive

and progressing  towards the heavens.

The media wants our children to be lab rats.
To do what they are told like zombies in an uncontrollable apocalypse.
We choose our lives.We choose what we want to define who we are.

The truth is not what we hear but what we seek after

and find out for ourselves. How many days must go

by before the dark curtains are lifted from the eyes

of all of those who surround us pleading for help?

We must stand for truth, justice, and act for ourselves,

 instead of blaming others for our own insecurities.

The truth is what is lacking for many in this world.

They continue to think deceit is descant. Knowingly

Knowing what the consequence will be we lie.

How can we stop this? With truth! Nixon felt

He was clever and would never get caught, as

Did Judas but both lived a fate they never planned.

Liars will lie and those who choose to stand for something

Will sniff them out like a bloodhound in the muddy bogs

Of a hunt.

We can not tolerate pride of a generation who stands in our

Way of justice and freedoms paid for in blood. You are being

Charged to become beacons to the rest of the world and blind

Those who are not looking down on us. Find something to believe

In, whether it be someone or yourself. Be absolute with your choices

And have those choices bring forth fruit and spring a well to

Those searching for truth.

Ohhhh Ryan Gosling what have you done to me?

So this has been an interesting last couple of months. I suck at keeping this up to date but i am going to try and do better. I deleted my Facebook account for about a month and a half and it was quite liberating to not be so dependent and relying on the internet for happiness. It is sad but I believe that Facebook has taken over so many of our lives. It has turned into what Myspace was before FB took over; it has gotten out of hand.

But on a lighter note in the mean time i bought a new camera! A Canon T3i! I am in the process of learning how to use it but i am also in the process of making a documentary for my friends in Corsair Wolves. It will be a short one i hope, but it might turn out to be a bit longer than i realize at the moment. I am trying to figure out how to edit it it right now and how i want to go about it and i really want it to look good and not shitty.

I went to a house show in Idaho Falls this weekend and did some more filming for the documentary and was able to see the band 1994! Such an amazing duo! here is the link if you are interested
http://www.mediafire.com/?1iotaa8s3nkxo65

My break or lack there of.

This week was my break from school before my next semester started and let me tell you it was more work than when i am in school! The main thing that ruined my break for me was working every night during the week. It felt like HELL! Luckily I don't have to work again until Wednesday. I think I just ran out of patience with people by then end of last night and was on the verge of going postal! Not really but it felt like i was going to explode.




 Later on during the week I got to go to the Bodies Exhibit in Idaho Falls and it was so interesting, a little creepy and strange as well but still very cool. I was most impressed with the circulatory system part of the exhibit. The way they preserved the veins to the shape of the part of the body they were attached to was pretty amazing!


 I got to the point where i didn't feel like leaving my room so i decided to watch a few movies. I got started with a dark comedy called Visioneers starring Zach Galifiinakis. If you haven't seen it i would highly recommend it! Then I decided to watch Rabbit Hole with Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart. Such a great emotion filled movie. I don't know how people deal with the loss of a child but that movie gives a great insight into that type of tragedy. I then watch a romantic-comedy titled Serious Moonlight with Meg Ryan. I don't know why but i have always had a thing for her. Weird i know but what can you do.

 I dont really care if you liked Tron: Legacy but i loved it and the soundtrack continues to play through all the time for me.I have also been trying to study the art of removing yourself from the equation. I'm trying to understand this becuase in my mind it tends to make sense and keep oneself happy so i will try and figure this theology Flynn lived by in Tron: Legacy. Until next time.

April 10, 2011

Yesterday was pretty fun and relaxing! My roommate Aaron "Bubby" Patrick McGregor and i went on a road trip to Salmon, Idaho to just get away and enjoy life for a day. We took a few pictures here and there:

But for the most part we just enjoyed each others company and the beauty around northern Idaho. You wouldn't really believe it was Idaho in the spring but the area we were was still covered in snow. About 2 years ago I played a show with my old band To Russia in Salmon and it was August and it was so beautifully green and so delightful. It is now almost the middle of April and it continues to snow. On the way back home from Salmon we stopped at Dave's Pizza which in my opinion is the best pizza in Idaho. Give it a try some day if you are in the area. Well I hope you enjoyed this. Read me soon!             

Wings, Lost, and Little Caesars.

So this day was one of the laziest/boring days i have had since the semester began. The break has officially started and the town has died. Its kind of nice not  having a ton of people all over the streets jaywalking all over town. The apartment complex is quiet too. If it was warmer outside it would be amazing! It's been raining most of the day and i didn't mind that one bit but it made me sleepy for most of the day.

The best part of my day was the opportunity to watch Wings on Netflix. This is one of my favorite show i have ever had the privileged to watch. Some of the best witty lines in TV history and the show just keeps progressing! If you've never seen it and you have Netflix give it a shot!

I then participated in what I'd like to call one of the best TV shows in the last 10 years... LOST. I am watching this series for the second time and i am loving it just as much now as i did when i saw it for the first time. The character development is amazing and the interaction with their surroundings and situations are just uncanny. I wish i could write as good as those writers. Maybe one day i can learn the art of screen writing and use it like they have, and again if you haven't seen LOST all the season are on Netflix,

       The last part of my day consisted of going to work at 4 p.m. and closing tonight. I made so much dough tonight and had one mix totally turn to mush. It took forever to get it out of the mixer and was a pain to cut and get through the baller but i managed. It was pretty slow because of the break but it is still annoying when people come in at 30 minutes to close and buy all the pizzas you have when others are walking in. I do this too but why do have this need to go to a fast food place right around when they close? It pisses me off but I still do it to other places, mostly Jack-N-the Box, but still i guess we have an urge to get the last of what ever it is we are craving. Take my advice this is not always a good idea.