here and now...

there is so much i have seen come and go in my short life time. there are times, many times, i wish i could travel back and change things in my life, if only to see the outcome change in the tiniest bit. i have so many regrets and i have missed so many experiences because of my insecurities and skepticism. the worst part of my life is not knowing what could have been and what i have missed. i miss a lot of people i once had in my life and miss the friendships that have been destroyed over the last decade. Many times i have cried at night remembering the love i have shared with people i have cared for so dearly. i wish i could take things back and start time from the beginning. i HATE regret. there is so much i miss and i hope time will bring us back together. i now hope for change and welcome back that which i have lost. Some may never return and others will remain in the earth, but i long for times past and hope we find ourselves in the future.

Confidence and Excitement Season!

For some reason there has been an overwhelming sense of CONFIDENCE flowing into my life as of late. I would like to believe that it was always there but i feel that it is a result of feeling comfortable for the first time in almost 2 years. There is a void that has been filled and i believe that is a direct result of my beard. You might think I am crazy for having such faith in hair on my face. But it is really the only thing i have changed about myself and the one thing I always feel missing when I am clean shaven. Now whether or not this is true we may never know. But all I know is that for the past week i have felt great and people have noticed me unlike ever before. I have made some decisions in my life that might change things forever but I feel that these changes are going to make me a better person. A person I will be happy with. With the snow coming soon I need a positive outlook on life and the way things are going i feel like my life is headed toward the sun for the first time instead of heading towards the outer rim of the universe. Our lives change and it is our decisions that make us feel joy or sadness; I for one am tired of the dark clouds that i brew and hang over my head. It is time for living a life i am proud of.

These days aren't those days anymore.

It has come to my attention that I am not happy with the way things are going in my life. There have been things I've wanted to do and people I have wanted to meet. I find new things in my life all the time and I count my blessings every day or at least I try to. Things are hard at times, and I realize that the good times i have aren't always that great. I feel like I have been living in a circle that has spewed me from the inside out and now i am looking in. There is a chance to fulfill dreams and the only time I have is when i breathe. Love, Kindness, Hope, Faith, Honesty, Charity, Gratitude, and Adventure are what i am missing in my life. I catch a glimmer of these things from time to time but they fly by me like a mosquito in a room. They will land and most of always leave me with a sore spot. One day, just maybe one day i can find where these things are and my eyes are open to see these things coming. I just wish I could ind them.

flying

There was a MOOSE but its getting hotter

It has been and interesting summer and time is flying. It seems like the past few weeks have been the best i have had in a long time. My time has been spent mostly working and swimming in the river. Recently my friend Sean and I floated down the river for about an hour and we were just standing on the shore of the river and we hear something move on the other side of the river and out comes a giant Moose! I will be honest it scared the hell out of me. It was probably 40 yards from us and just drank water and stared art us for about 30 minutes. It was quite the spectacle since were only about 10 miles out of town.

 The last few weeks have been really warm and the only thing to cool us down is to go to the river. It's not that cold to us but to some it might be freezing. This river we swim in is so clear and clean. You can see the beauty in nature so well. Sean and I were standing in the water while fish came up and nipped at our legs and hands. Here is a poem I wrote to express my life the last few days:

Our Life Will Pass

There is so much going on that we never notice

and it has been such a mesmerizing experience

to just sit and watch nature

for once. 

The stars will still burn and the money

makers will still have their dough

but how much will we miss 

by not taking the time

to just sit

and become a part of nature

for just one day?

So its already August?

I can't believe that it is already August. Time has flown so fast during the break. I can admit that i haven't really done anything besides work and see Cowboys and Aliens. I am trying to finish up a documentary for my friends band Corsair Wolves so they can release it with their cd in September. I have started growing a beard though and I am not planning on shaving until I start school in January. Because I am off track in the fall I have moved from my old apartment and into an even older apartment. Its not a bad house but i still am not comfortable at night sometimes for some reason. My bed is terrible and i have back pain daily some times hourly from my shitty bed I am sure. I have spent time making the house smell nice and look more appealing from when we moved in, but you can only polish a turd so much. I have realized that my never ending search for new music has a easier way of manifesting itself to me with the great program known as Spotify. I can stream almost any album ever made. What i do, and you can do what ever you want with it, is use my Pandora to find new bands and then use Spotify to listen to the rest of the albums. It has been a great week for finding music and i am recommending that everyone check out the band The New Christs. So good! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAdUhBF9IVk

This life and whats in it.

I have been busy filming new projects and getting through this semester of school. I have hit a point where i am beginning to get burned out on school again. I think i can make it through but you never know whats going to happen in this life. Recently I went down to Utah to visit my brother Abe and his family and also to go to a festival in Salt Lake called Crucial Fest which was put on by Exigent Records. I had a great weekend and enjoyed seeing my niece and enjoyed seeing some fantastic bands! here is a little bit of what my trip consisted of:

BADASS MAGIC
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9OAAOSlfP8
SLEEPING IN GETHSEMANE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZnjbhIc9Pk
LOOM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVOilmRiHbw
MICROTIA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLLHia8U2o0
I AM THE OCEAN
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv0OXjjNNDg
LOOM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-FHynxxJBE&feature=related
I HEAR SIRENS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iwBLx8S_8k&feature=related